Yellow Fever?

I saw a post floating around Facebook, and I felt like saying my own words about this “issue”.

I am together with a Chinese guy. Together, as in; he is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend. Even though we live in a pretty modern world, people still are surprised when they figure out that my boyfriend looks Chinese. It’s more normal these days, but people still look weird at you, or ask you questions that can be offending. I get a lot of questions thrown at me.

  • Is his penis small?
  • How is your sex life?
  • Why do you have with a Chinese?
  • What is it with you and Chinese guys?
  • Do you speak his language?
  • Do you eat rice everyday?
  • Can/Do you eat with chopsticks?
  • So you eat Chinese everyday?
  • Is there a difference between Dutch guys and Chinese guys?
  • Did his parents like it?
  • Isn’t it weird to date a Chinese guy? (add a lot of stereotypical things in here; Chinese are dirty people, etc)

I date my boyfriend because I love him — obviously. Not because Chinese always happens to be rich, or they are great cooks. Yes, the adventure in dating him wasn’t easy with his parents, who would rather see him with a Chinese girl. But I am with him, and not with his parents. They are just an extra bonus. But I look further than his black hair and dark brown eyes. And believe me when I say that I have never met a Western guy like him (or Asian). He’s one of a kind.

Is his penis small?
Why would anyone want to know this? Curious if the stories of the stereotype Chinese guys is true? If you date a man from Africa, I really don’t want to know if his dong is big. I don’t want to know, I don’t care. All I care about is how he treats you.

But the worst part is, is when they compare it with different kind of sausages. “Is it like this one, or this one?”

How is your sex life?
My sex life is like rice with ‘it’s none of your fucking business’ and chopsticks.

These are always asked in a serious manner. I usually laugh it off and say my sex life is better than theirs. I don’t want to discuss this with people I don’t know, or barely know. Or even if I do know them, I still don’t want to discuss it. We all know how sex works (…right?), It works the same way as two white people, or two black people, or two Asians, or a white girl and an Asian guy, or the other way around.

Why on earth would you want to know about someone else’s sex life? What kind of weird satisfaction does that give you? Ew, creep.

Why do you have with a Chinese?
Why do you have a Dutch/American/African guy/girl?

What is it with you and Chinese guys?
There is nothing going on with me and Chinese or other Asian guys. I don’t have yellow fever. Yes, I do fancy Asian celebrities, but I also fancy American and Dutch celebrities that aren’t Asian. I suppose you can say that I don’t only like Asian men, My taste ranges pretty wide.

Do you speak his language?
Dutch? Yes, I speak Dutch. It’s my mother language.
Oh, you mean Chinese? Only a little. I do want to learn it in the future, but that is only in respect for his parents and other family members who do not speak English or Dutch. I do know that my boyfriend doesn’t necessarily want me to teach Chinese. We’re in Holland after all…

Do you eat rice everyday?
After years of eating potatoes, I am happy to say that yes, I do eat a lot of rice. Not everyday, but at least 4 times a week. My boyfriend likes it, I like it. So what’s the fricking problem if we eat rice almost every – fucking – day? You don’t eat here, so I don’t see a problem.

Can/Do you eat with chopsticks?
Yes I can, but no I don’t. And no we don’t eat with chopsticks at home either, nor does he, nor do we at his parents and nor do his parents. Why eat with chopsticks when you have spoons?! I’m pretty sure his mother thinks the same way. I only eat noodles or sushi with chopsticks, because it’s so much easier than using a fork, in my opinion.

And when I’m eating sushi with friends or co-workers they look at me with big eyes and a look of amazement on their face when I am eating with chopsticks. “Oh wow, can you eat with chopsticks?!” Well, I am using one, so I guess I can… Followed by teaching them how to do it and then they all fail.

So you eat Chinese everyday?
Hah. No. My boyfriend likes the typical Dutch dishes. While I love his father’s traditional Chinese dishes (they are to die for), I don’t want to eat Chinese everyday. And the westernised, Chinese food (everyone thinks that’s traditional Chinese food or something?), is filled with sugar and other things.

Is there a difference between Dutch guys and Chinese guys?
Before my boyfriend I dated a Dutch boy. He lived on a farm, and he was really a farmer. He had a flat accent, and he lacked a lot of manners. Farting, burping, picking your nose during dinner was pretty normal. But he was a piece of shit, so I dumped his sorry ass.

I don’t see that kind of behaviour in Chinese families. Beside the burping, which is pretty normal in the Chinese culture, I believe. My boyfriend isn’t one who will speak about his feelings easily, but I think almost every guy is like that. But he’s down to earth, he sees himself as a Dutch person. He speaks his mind, and his opinion which can be a bit shocking sometimes. He’s a bit fatherly sometimes. His (table) manners are perfect, and I don’t know. We respect each others privacy, he respects me. I think it’s the way how he is raised that made him that way. And money… Of course. Money is an important thing, and it will always be. But unlike people think, they won’t do everything for money.

The stereotype Chinese man lacks confident, short temper, smart, proper, boring, well mannered. My boyfriend does not lack confidence, he has no short temper AT ALL. Boring? People think he is, but I know better. During parties or with friends, he won’t always be talking. He’ll be drinking and listening, and only say a word when it’s needed. He is respectful and well mannered, compared to Western men who tend to be more arrogant, self-absorbed, after sex,  and rude in general (not saying every white guy is).

So yes, there is a huge difference between Asians and White men. As there is between Asian women and White women.

Did his parents like it?
What if they didn’t? This used to bother me in the beginning. They rather saw a Chinese girl instead of me. Now I don’t care any more, and it made the relationship between me and my mother in law better.
Isn’t it weird to date a Chinese guy? (add a lot of stereotypical things in here; Chinese are dirty people, etc)
What’s so weird about dating someone you like and love?
Photo by Grace Buchele.

Photo by Grace Buchele.

I date whoever the hell I want.

Featured image by 俊玮 戴.
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2 thoughts on “Yellow Fever?

  1. I know it’s a serious subject, but I had to laugh all the way through it. I mean, it’s stupid what people may ask or say or think. What the fuck? And I loved all of your answers to these questions, I hope that’s really what you tell these people.

    Same sex, different color, different body size, different height… Who are these people judging who you love and who you have sex with?

    I’ve known some of what you mentioned, not to that extend though. I’m a very slim white guy, I dated a Native American three times my weight. Oh the funny reactions that I got, and yes, I got a few stupid stereotypical questions and jokes. I didn’t mind much the reference to the stereotypical hot blooded Native American girls (meaning, hot in bed), but for the rest, just fuck you, there’s nothing you need to know.

    Native Americans are from from being rare here, fortunately, and a lot of us have “savage” blood to some extend. I don’t, but my son’s great father was a Native American (not that any trait have remained. To this respect, reactions to Native Americans aren’t very common or very strong. I can tell the few events I went through were nothing compared to what you went through, if I judge from your post. I just can’t believe how stupid people are when it comes to differences. No people aren’t all white, blond, blue eyed, slim, tall…. The world would be so disgustingly boring if it was. With all the people moving countries over the last several decades, I can’t believe we are still there. I can only hope people will get over that over time.

    • ailurous says:

      Good you laughed. 😉 That was what I wanted. Hahaha.

      But, I’m curious if my boyfriend would get reactions if we lived in China, where it would be the opposite world.

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